Hajimemashite!
by Aoi Tenma
Summary: Rishid kissing himself in the mirror? Anzu is taking over the world? Yami Bakura watches soap operas? Looks like the YGO characters aren't what you THINK they are... LOTS OF OOC!
1. Ishtar Secrets

*****PART ONE: THE ISHTAR'S SECRETS******  
  
Aoi Tenma: *Is narrator* Ladies & Gentlemen.... Welcome to the not-so-true Yu-Gi-Oh secrets documentary. I will be guiding you to the world of the Yu- Gi-Oh characters. What you will see may bring disturbing results &... Well, thier secrets. Duh. Anyway, CV!! Roll the tape!!  
  
Chibi Varon: Hai Aoi sama!!! ^__^ *Plays video*  
  
****WHEN ISIS IS WASTED******  
  
Isis: RIIIIIIIIISSSHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDD!!!!!!!!!!! *Is drunk*  
  
Rishid: O__O  
  
Isis: WHEEEEEEEEERREEEEEEE THEEEE HEEEEEELL AAAARE YOOOOUUUUU!!??????  
  
Rishid: Right here, Ms. Isis....  
  
Isis: WHEEEEEEREEE????!!!!!!  
  
Rishid: ....I'm right in front of you. -__-  
  
Isis: (Hic) Oh. Anyway, I'm going to buy some panties for Marik. Take care of the house.  
  
Rishid: O____O Ms. Isis, I don't think--  
  
Isis: SHUT UP MAN-WHORE!!! (Hic) *Steals Aoi Tenma's bazooka & shoots the door open* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! *Goes off & steals Malik's motor* *Goes to who-knows-where*  
  
Rishid: O.O;;  
  
Malik: *Just entered the room* Has anyone seen the bazooka I stole from Aoi?  
  
Rishid: ......-_____-;;  
  
BACK WITH ISIS  
  
Isis: *Is in a grocery shop* EEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIILL!!! *Slashes fridge containing ice-creams with Pakkizuki's chainsaw*  
  
Manager: INSANE WOMAN IN AISLE 4!! INSANE WOMAN IN AISLE 4!!!! SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!! O_____O  
  
Isis: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! *Takes out bomb* *Blows up aisle 4*  
  
People who hasn't run away for some reason in aisle 4: *Dead* *Becomes ghosts*  
  
Random dude: *Is psychic* I see dead people..... O_O *Dies randomly*  
  
Isis: *Still wasted* MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!  
  
Anzu: *Is grocery shopping with Yugi* Yugi...  
  
Yugi: Yeah?  
  
Anzu: Is that Isis? *Points to a drunk Isis laughing like a maniac on a hill of dead people*  
  
Yugi: O_________O Anzu, we'd better run...  
  
Anzu: Wha--?  
  
Yugi: *Grabs Anzu & dashes out of the store*  
  
Anzu: Yugi why are we-- *Looks behind her*  
  
Isis: *Is chasing them with the chainsaw from Pakkizuki* MWEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEEHHHH......!!!!!! YOU HAVE UPSET THE GRAVE OF THE MOLES!!! FOR THAT YOU MUST SUFFER~~!!!!!  
  
Anzu: O_____O *Runs faster than Yugi, dragging him instead*  
  
Isis: MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  
  
***********WHAT MALIK DOES IN HIS SPARE TIME*****  
  
BACK IN THE ISHTAR RESIDENCE  
  
Malik: Come again?  
  
Rishid: Ms. Isis went to buy you some *Cough* female undergarments.  
  
Malik: O.o;; Right... Anyway, I gotta go.  
  
Rishid: Where to, Malik-sama?  
  
Malik: DARE YOU QUESTION MY PRIVACY??!!!  
  
Rishid: Err, no... O_o  
  
Malik: Good. *Goes out through hole in the door Isis made* O________O NANIIIIIIIII???!!!!!!! WHERE THE F*CK IS MY LITTLE BABY??!!!  
  
Rishid: Oh, you mean Emily? Isis took her.  
  
Malik: WHAT?! BUT I NEED MY BABY TO GO TO THE INSANE HUMANITIES CLUB!!!!  
  
Okay, intermission. Those who hasn't figured out who 'Emily' is, he's talking about his motorcycle. No, this is not the official name. No, I don't have a friend named Emily. Yes, this name was random. And yes, the Insane Humanities Club belongs to me, so don't use it without permission.  
  
Rishid: O_o Malik-sama, why woud you go to an 'Insane Humanities Club'?  
  
Malik: People there are insane. And it's pretty educative to know that they know how to plot effective plans to destroy just about... ANYTHING!!  
  
Rishid: ....Like?  
  
Malik: PINEAPPLES!! ^-^ Besides, the leader has a lot of destructive weapons I steal all the time.  
  
Rishid: ......So that's what you do during your spare time...  
  
Malik: QUIET BITCH!! *Goes anyway by taxi*  
  
Taxi driver: *Is Pakkizuki, Aoi Tenma's school junior* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! *Crashes taxi into fire hydrant*  
  
Fire hydrant: NOOOOOOOO!!!!! *Dies*  
  
Pakkizuki: *Finally reaches IHC after crashing the taxi unto various random objects* MWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!! Dude, we're here.  
  
Malik: *Is asleep* *Wakes up* Huh--? Wha--? Oh yeah, right...  
  
Pakkizuki: That would be 2300yen.  
  
Malik: Here you go, keep the change. *Hands her 1000yen*  
  
Pakkizuki: THANKS!! ^__^ Now, GET OUT!!! *Kicks Malik out of cab*  
  
Malik: O...kay...  
  
INSIDE THE CLUB ROOM  
  
Random insane guy #1: I AM SAILOR MOON!!!! FEAR MY SAILOR-GIRLY-NESS!!! *Winks*  
  
Random insane guy #2: Telletubbies, telletubbies, say-hel-lo!! E-OH!! *Does balet* *Twirls*  
  
Random insane guy #1: *Twirls with Random insane guy #2* Moon dance attack!! *does Michael Jackson moon dance*  
  
Random insane guy #3: 3523570576704967073967 plus 2563675623765923483682 minus 2 times 787943798574 is 1. ^_^  
  
Malik: *To Aoi Tenma, the owner of the club* Can I steal your grenade?  
  
AT: Uhhhh... Okay!!  
  
Malik: Heheh... Moron.  
  
Right... While Malik is in the club, let's see what happens to Rishid, shall we?  
  
*****WHAT RISHID DOES WHEN HE'S ALONE*****  
  
Rishid: *To mirror* You know... You are one sexy bitch...  
  
Mirror: O__O  
  
Rishid: *Kisses himself in the mirror*  
  
Yes.... Extremely disturbing, no?This concludes 'Ishtar secrets', tune in next time for 'THE YAMI & HIKARI SOULROOM', only on the random fic by Aoi Tenma, "THE LIVES OF YGO CHARACTERS"  
  
^^^^^^^TSUZUKU(TO BE CONTINUED)^^^^  
  
Chibi Noa: O_O  
  
Chibi Malik: O_O  
  
Chibi Varon: *Clueless* ^_^  
  
AT: Eheh...^^;; RnR? 


	2. Yami & Hikari Soulroom

Aoi: Yo!! I'm back!!  
  
Chibi Varon: AOI-SAMAAAAAAA!!!! TOT ::Glomps Aoi:: You promised you'd play with me for three hours!!!!  
  
Aoi: Err.... Did I? O.O  
  
Chibi Varon: YEAH!!! T-T  
  
Chibi Noa: Mou, I'm bored playing with the PS3... Aoi-sama must play with me too!!  
  
Chibi Malik: Aoi....  
  
Aoi: VARON!! GET OFF ME!! ::To Chibi Malik:: Yeah?  
  
Chibi Malik: Ne, how come there are helmets of Critias, Helmus & Timaeus in the bionic muse chamber? Are you making more chibi muses?  
  
Aoi: Yep!! ...Though getting those helmets off those dudes were hard... At first I was going to steal Amelda's late brother's toy, then Raphael's sunglasses & Dartz's funky necklace  
  
Chibi Noa: But?  
  
Aoi: -.-;; But in the end, Amelda nearly killed me with his motorcycle, while Dartz nearly sealed me with his orichalcos spell thingie, and as for Raphael... I decided he doesn't look too good being a chibi.  
  
Muses: O.O  
  
Aoi: Anyway!! Let the insanity begin!! Chibi Varon! Roll the tape!!  
  
Chibi Varon: Hai!

* * *

**YAMI & HIKARI SOULROOM **  
  
_Aoi_: (Is as usual, your narrator) Good evening and welcome to the not so true documentary of your favourite Yugiou characters, 'Hajimemashite'!!! Tonight we will be covering our story on what Yamis do when they are in their soulroom, and what their hikaris do when THEY are in their soulroom. Let's start with our main star, Yugi & Nattori no Yuugi!!  
  
%%**Natori no Yuugi's soulroom**%%  
  
Natori no Yuugi (I'll call him Yami, since it's easier): ::Is playing with the PS3 some random chibi version of Noah gave him:: Man, I love technology!!!! XD  
  
_MEANWHILE...._  
  
Yuugi: ::Is being picked on by Ushio::  
  
Jounouchi: ::Is having his sacred moments (Lunch) and cannot help Yuugi::  
  
Anzu: ::Is cleaning her VSS Vintorez sniper gun that Aoi tenma gave her for the sake of this fic:: O.O I never thought the day would come that I would actually be doing this...  
  
Honda: ::Does not notice anything and thus cannot help Yuugi because the authoress said-- wrote so:: I want a bunny, yes... I want a bunny, yes... Iwan I want I want I want a bunny, yes....  
  
Other people that's suppose to be involved: ::Isn't doing anything to help Yuugi like they'd supposedly do::  
  
Yuugi: MERCY!!! T-T;;;  
  
Ushio: NOT UNTIL YOU GIVE ME YOUR MONEY, PUNK!!!  
  
Yuugi: Yami? HELP PLEASE!!! XO  
  
_ BACK WITH YAMI_  
  
Yami: ::Sleeping with a numb thumb after playing for hours:: ZZzzZZZZZzzzzzzzzZzZ.....  
  
Yuugi's voice VIA the puzzle: HEEEEEELLLPPPP!!!!!! TOT;;  
  
_AFTER SOME TIME_  
  
Yami: ::Goes to Yuugi's soulroom just for the sake of it:: Huh? O.O ::Notices a magazine on the floor:: ::Reads it::  
  
Magazine: ::Happens to be the (in)famous issue of 'nude female dueling cards getting bonked by male dueling cards::  
  
Yami: HE ACTUALLY HAS THIS STUFF??? OoO ::Reads it:: I know Dark Magician & Dark Magician Girl make a cute couple, but this is wrong.... ::Flips through more pages:: ????!!!! O.o THE HARPIE LADY SISTERS???!!! THAT'S INCEST!!!! XP (Baaad mental image, no? n.n;;)  
  
_BACK WITH YUUGI_  
  
Yuugi: ::Is potentially mutated:: Help... Me.... Xx;;  
  
Yami: Huh? ::Finally realised Yuugi is being picked on:: YUGI!!  
  
Puzzle: ::Does the shiny thing and turns Yuugi to Nattori no Yuugi::  
  
Yami: ::Beats up Ushio...At last::  
  
%%**Yuugi's Soulroom**%%  
  
Yuugi: Finally!!! . ::Is miraculously healed:: Now that he's out, time for the soulsearch... ::Looks around for his magazine (You KNOW which one):: WHERE IS IT??!!! ...Oh well... ::Goes to a silver box at the corner of his soulroom:: ::Opens it::  
  
Box: ::Contains other porn magazines::  
  
Yuugi: ::Begins reading them::  
  
%%**Natori no Bakura**%%  
  
Bakura: ::Watching TV in his soulroom:: Yes... THAT'S RIGHT!!!! DON'T GIVE ANY MERCY!!! GIVE 'EM THE KILL!!! ::Something happens in the film scene, making him gasp:: NO!! DON'T DO THAT!! BEHIND YOU, BEHIND YOU!!!! ::Something else happens:: AAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!! SEE??!!! YOU'RE DEAD NOW!!!! DAMMIT!!!!  
  
TV show: ::Is a soap opera::  
  
Bakura: GOMEZ!!! No.... Now Maria will find out you're gay... WHY??!!! T-T  
  
Soap opera: ::Changes to commercial::  
  
Bakura: ...Ah... Oh well. Time to wreak havoc.  
  
Millenium ring: ::Transform Ryou to Bakura::  
  
Bakura: ::Wreaks havoc::  
  
%%**Ryou Bakura**%%  
  
Ryou: ....WHERE IS THAT MAGAZINE??!!! --Oh yeah, I lent it to Yuugi... ::Oh well:: Opens a similar box to that of Yuugi's  
  
Box: ::Contains a starch of porn magazines::  
  
Ryou: ::Takes 3 of them and began 'reading' them:: Whoah... Who would've thought Miho had these sizes...  
  
And thus concludes 'Yami and Hikari soulroom, tune in next time for 'Hajimemashite!' for our next documentary, 'The Kaibas' Everyday Lives!' (Courtesy to a reviewer)

* * *

Aoi Tenma: ...Yeah... It's short, I know... U.U;;  
  
Chibi Noa: Mou... You're going to do my family next?  
  
Aoi tenma: Yes!! XD  
  
Chibi Malik: ...And I thought my documentary was disturbing...  
  
Chibi Varon: Varon tsumanai!!  
  
Aoi tenma: Anyway... Ja ne!! 


End file.
